One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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