just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
