she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
