I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
