come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
