Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
