You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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