Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just cropdusted the office
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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