every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
