i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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