Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
