so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
