gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
