So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
