I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
