I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
