i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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