My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
