Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
