I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
