My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
