the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
