Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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