You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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