I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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