i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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