You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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