dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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