you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
