I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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