in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
