my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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