God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
