She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
