a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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