They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
