i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
