4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
