She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
