I swear she didn't look like that last week.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
