i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
