Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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