she smelled like a LAN party
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
