jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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