got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
