i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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