Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
