He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
