There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
