Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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