She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
