once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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