Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
